It's a (Comparison) Trap!
Dealing with jealousy in children's publishing
I’m not sure I even want to admit this out loud, but I get jealous of other authors and illustrators in children’s publishing. I think it’s an unavoidable issue, a dung pile we all must step through from time to time - but I want it to not be true. I want to be above it! Sigh. I’m also wanting this place (substack-ville) and how I move through the world to be honest and authentic. So here we are.
I’m not jealous all of the time. In fact it’s more of a twinge. A pang. I’ll be scrolling the socials and see something like:
“In a seventeen figure deal, John Doe has sold the rights to MY POCKET LINT IS OLDER THAN DIRT to one of the giant publishers at auction. John’s debut picture book as author-illustrator will feature a modernist art method (tangentially involving moldy fruit, Brussel sprouts, and felt) and a fresh voice usually reserved for adult literature and pulp magazines.1”
My first and honest reaction is to be happy for everyone involved. Getting books published is hard work. Hitting the announcement stage is a huge victory that should be met with applause2, even if you’re not sure how to gesso with a three week old pear. To add to the effect, there’s usually a flurry of announcements all around the same time, so there’s a lot of celebrating to do for a lot of very deserving folks. But there, lurking under all of the likes and re-X’s and re-threads and good wishes is a shadow of a jealous thought, that twinge of where’s my announcement?
How I handle this particular dark alley:
I acknowledge that I’m feeling jealous. I turn to the beast and say “I see you.” This de-fangs it a bit. I think it’s a sneaky thing that hisses and thrashes in the light.
I ask “Why am I feeling this way?” The answer has to do with my own demons and has nothing to do with the lovely project that is about to be shepherded into becoming a book or the authors, agents, illustrators, editors that built to that moment. It’s my self-doubt. My unfounded expectations. My own snootiness. Ugly stuff.
Sometimes simple logic helps. The beauty of children’s publishing is the (hopefully growing) diversity of voices and styles and stories. There are millions of stories that are not mine to tell. Illustrators have distinct styles and approaches that are as unique as the people behind them. I want the work that fits me. The work that allows me to bring my best. I want everyone else to be at their best, doing their best work, inspiring kids I can’t reach.
I applaud. I cheer. I share. The most simple way to eradicate jealousy, is to do the opposite of what jealousy wants us to do. It wants us to stew on it, to gossip, to let it eat away at our peace. I don’t have time for that. I’m doing important work and so are my peers. I know this is hopelessly cheesy, but the audience needs our best work and we, the kidlit community, need to stand together in these weird times.
I forgive myself. I’m human and a work in progress. Learning to recognize character flaws early allows for growth. (Writing about them honestly in your substack allows for more growth and hopefully not a decrease in readers.)
I get back to work. There are stories to write and illustrations to dream up. This is the stuff that makes me feel alive.
This week’s SIDE QUEST™: How do you deal with comparison traps and jealousy?
I could wax poetic about The Queen And The Cave by Julia Sardà. If you have siblings and remember that alienating moment where one of you was a teenager and the other was still a kid, this book gets at that in the weirdest, sweetest way. Also, she is an amazing illustrator with a unique decorative style that I adore.
I don’t think you missed Lian Cho’s latest newsletter 5 Lessons From 5 Years of Illustrating but just in case go and read it. Funny and helpful and true to my experience as well.
I think I first tried to read Isaac Asimov when my Mom worked at the library. I very much judge books by their covers (a true designer/illustrator dilemma) and sci fi and fantasy covers teased my 13 year old brain. Those books were to thick for me and I never returned to his work. Foundation on Apple TV is a pretty fun ride and looks stunning.
This is not me making fun of publishing or ideas or anyone’s art practice. It’s more a deliberately over-the-top example to avoid any real comparisons to any real book project. Besides, you do you, John.
I’ve been on the receiving end of this and it is pretty incredible. The love from the kidlit community is like a warm bowl of soup on a rainy day. We should be that for each other.
The way I grew to think of comparison as someone coming into this industry as a second career, later in life ... is I remember to compare the effort.
This persons on social media with gabajillion followers has made thousands of amazing pieces more that I have, and post them on all the platforms, and Reddit etc. that’s a lot of work, am I doing comparable work.
This persons with a huge newsletter following and amazing newsletter, has been creating awesome free content for kids for years, and doing amazing work for decades before that.
In short I convert emotion into fuel for doing work!
And remind myself that I’m on my path and they are on theirs
Brilliant advice, Jacob! Most anytime I compliment someone on their work it's because I'm jealous. But I am genuinely happy for them underneath my own silly insecurities. I'm jealous of you for writing this a brilliant post on such an important topic! 😆 But really, thank you for sharing something we all need to read and bookmark. That feeling of envy is terribly familiar and it's nice to know we're not alone.